Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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