Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
