i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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