apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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