hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
