i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
50% drunk capacity currently
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
