Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
