i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
