I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
