just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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