it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
