And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
