my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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