she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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