last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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