My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
