During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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