I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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