my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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