dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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