He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
