I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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