i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
