dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize