I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize