I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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