Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
People in love make me want to vomit
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
