He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
