you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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