he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize