Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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