I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
