Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
