the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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