I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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