you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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