How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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