Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
