I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
