Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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