Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
