dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
