a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my sisters under your porch take her home
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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