What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
