I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
