I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
