Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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