i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
