Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
