im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
