my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
