My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize