Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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