i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
