do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
