2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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