we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
