Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
