Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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