You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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