He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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