At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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