If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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