I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
