Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
