Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize