It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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