ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize