Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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