forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
