i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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