I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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