I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
