people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
