Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A bitchslap is in order.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
